He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
