I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
