SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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