After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
