when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
