Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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