And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
