how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
