new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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