Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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