4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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