Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
