the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
