How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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