She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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