I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
