apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize