Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
