I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
