Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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