And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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