I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy