Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.

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(315): View more from New York

Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.

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(708): View more from Illinois

The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking

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You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(918): View more from Oklahoma

It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

(1-316): View more from Kansas

Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split

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(816): View more from Missouri

This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"

(573): View more from Missouri

Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes

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