they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes