Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.

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  (617): My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning. http://tfl.nu/kt95
  Replies (24) Good night (5452) Bad night (1564)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

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  (770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1
  Replies (10) Good night (3267) Bad night (749)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..

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  (613): I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference.. http://tfl.nu/jwx4
  Replies (7) Good night (2474) Bad night (849)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever

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  (917): hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever http://tfl.nu/y96z
  Replies (7) Good night (2123) Bad night (775)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?

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  (708): what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit? http://tfl.nu/d2ae
  Replies (15) Good night (3233) Bad night (1227)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.

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  (785): Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid. http://tfl.nu/egf9
  Replies (7) Good night (2218) Bad night (809)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now

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  (604): yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now http://tfl.nu/b5id
  Replies (8) Good night (497) Bad night (1097)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.

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  (775): Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American. http://tfl.nu/e4rx
  Replies (13) Good night (3739) Bad night (533)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time

  (917): View more from New York City

  An adult?

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  (516): Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time (917): An adult? http://tfl.nu/ka62
  Replies (3) Good night (1413) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  all my money is vodka money

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  I have never read a truer sentence.

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  (734): all my money is vodka money (1-734): I have never read a truer sentence. http://tfl.nu/947v
  Replies (0) Good night (860) Bad night (327)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

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  (205): This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods http://tfl.nu/4tdp
  Replies (5) Good night (624) Bad night (405)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.

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  (850): Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful. http://tfl.nu/7o2z
  Replies (4) Good night (777) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.

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  (412): Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time. http://tfl.nu/jc31
  Replies (1) Good night (1060) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.

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  (315): not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/mw0m
  Replies (10) Good night (1104) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.

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  (617): Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job. http://tfl.nu/3704
  Replies (4) Good night (853) Bad night (587)

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