it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
