I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food