im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
