they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
