I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
