my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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