So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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