Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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