I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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