Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
