I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
