I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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