i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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