2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
