i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
