My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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