I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
