I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
