I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
