I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
