dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
