im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize