Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
