I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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