She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
