Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
