Me. At least after what I've been through.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
