Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize