I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
