god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
