she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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