just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if only i could text you this smell
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize