If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
