so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
