Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
