No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
