My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize