I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
