thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
