Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
