I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
