Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
