I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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