apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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