I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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