If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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