Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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