I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize