If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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