all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I intend to get homeless drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
