mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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